A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
