My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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