We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
