I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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