as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's like iHOP with fire
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
