just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
