Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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