just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
