I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
