so that wasnt chicken after all
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
