he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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