I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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