Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
