I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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