I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
