The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
