I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
