I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am naked and annoyed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
