I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think people are normalizing furries
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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