three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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