Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
