I bet he comes in French.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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