Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
