Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
