Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
