How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think i got beer on your cat.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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