i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
