Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
