he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
