Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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