I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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