Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
