I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
