You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
