if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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