Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
