Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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