now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
