I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
