Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
