I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
