We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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