This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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