Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
