John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
