Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
