He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
