he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
