Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
