I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
