Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
