i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
