I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
