So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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