The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's never too late to be topless.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
50% drunk capacity currently
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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