The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
sex in a hospital.. check
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
