if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
