get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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