It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
