There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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