why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
