Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
