Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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