this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
