there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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